herewiigo

Ok so I have completely fallen off the diet train.  I am begining to think I am destin to be fat and to continue to gain… I CANNOT CONTROL MYSELF. It is really that simple.  I lack will power… I am lazy…  I want to walk and exercise, but I lack the motivation when I think about it.  I want to eat healthy, but always make poor decisions when the time comes.  What can I do? What do I do?

So… I worked 3 days this weekend all doubles…  11am to 2am  at the resturant(my second job I am a teachers mon-thrus) I made good money, but my disrespectful husband went to the strip club while I was at work and probably gave it all back.  I hate him, but at the same time he is my motivation to get fit ad get rid of him.  I think if I lose some weight I will feel better about myself and have the confidence to move on.  He is very unsupportive and self-involved, he doesn’t give a damn about anyone but himself…  I am begining to turn the tide though…  I am standing up for myself and doing my best to express how unhappy and disappointed I am…

So… I have always been the fat girl… grade school I was a token friend because none of the pretty girls had to worry about me stealing their boyfriends. In college I was much more accepted, but as I have ventured out into this great big world it is so true….  First impressions are key.  I am fat, I may be slow, I am fat, I am a liability, I am obese, I will die before my time.  I have heard it all.  This is probably why I jumped at the first man that showed me interest and married him without thinking twice.  Yet, now I am unhappy and fat…..  I always get treated less than fair because I cannot make the first impression a thin girl can.  GUESS WHAT!>?!?!? I have a masters degree and a great paying job, I am sucessful, talented, funny, compassionate, and loyal, but its too bad you can not see that through the fat…

Okay… So I am not moving mountains here, but I am on day 2….  I have exercised both days for 45 minutes and have been logging my calorie intake.  Needless to say, I am proud of myself and even lost a pound!!!!! Only 99 lbs to go!!!!!

Exercise Log

So last nite was my first wedding anniversary… My husband and I did nothing.  I begged him to take me to dinner, but he claimed that Football was on and he wanted to watch it and track his fantasy football points…  So at that point I decided that 2 things need to happen in my life.  1. I needed to respect myself more and not allow him to walk all over me like he usually does and did that night. 2. I felt the only way to gain my own respect is to like the person I see in the mirror.  So while hubby sat on the couch watching is much more important football, I took a ride to Best buy and bought myself a wii fit. My goal is to start useing it regularly until I build my endurance up and feel confident enough to experience and try other forms of exercise.  My over all goal is 119lbs… I have a lot to lose… Including a 200lb disresepectful and ungrateful husband:)